Everything will work out fine…’ Despite how reassuring the words themselves were, I could tell instinctively that you didn’t believe them. ‘I know.’ Maybe just saying the words would make them come true? I was happy you were in front of me, unable to see, as I silently began to cry, knowing that we were both doomed. More for my own comfort than yours, I once again began to gently massage your back, this time allowing my hands to just barely touch your flesh as they glided over you. It wasn’t until my hands began to get sore and my mind was in knots that I finally stopped. I was relieved when whispering your name confirmed what your deep breathing had suggested – once again you had fallen asleep. Sighing heavily I leaned against the back wall as my hands absently stroked your back in your sleep. Even though I tried not to let it, the real world heavily weighed upon my mind as I began to trace the lines of your bruises, playing connect the dots with your discoloured flesh. After. They began kissing, and I lay down on the bed again, already hard as granite, shitting myself with nerves too. Will I be able to stand to see this? I started to worry about things getting out of hand and not being able to cope. What if I wanted him to stop doing stuff to her, and he wouldn’t? How would I make him stop? I’m fit, slim and toned, but Frank’s in a different league: a big guy, at least at six-two. Muscular, but not absurdly so; the kind of body I would have liked to have for my own. I knew I wouldn't be able to take him out with my bare hands. Then I remembered the knife by the side of the bed, the one I keep there in case of burglars. The thought of its ten-inch steel blade reassured me.I tried to relax, told myself this is what I wanted. After all, it had been my fantasy for weeks. I assured myself Ruth was doing this for me as much as for herself.I remember it in Ultra-HD: her arms going up and Frank pulling her dress up over them, Ruth shaking her head when she was.
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